D and E Day

Tuesday, the 16th, I had my D & E where they remove the baby. They put me under for this. I had to show up to the hospital 2 hours early- like showing up for a flight or something. I checked in. There were lots of people waiting for surgury. It was a busy day there. It was what you might envision on TV in an emergency room or something- lots of people on rolling beds lined up with curtains between each person. Fortunately for me I got a corner spot so I was out of the way of most of the foot traffic. I was issued a very nice nurse. Bob could hang out with me for a while and then he had to leave. For the most part I was in OK spirits. The chaplain came by. He prayed with me. I was thankful for that. They had some difficulty getting the IV in me (I seem to have issues with IV's). It was at that time for some reason I got sad. The reality of why I was there sank in and I was just sad I had to be there for that reason- my baby died. I didn't want to have to say goodbye for good even though she had been gone for a while. The nurse shared with me that she lost a son in the 3rd trimester (I think) and she still thinks about him almost every day. That was 30 years ago. My procedure was scheduled for around 11:00 and they were pretty much right on time. The rolled me into the OR. I got sad again. The last time I was in an OR I was having Mattie- one of the happiest moments of my life. Hearing her cries was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. I would not be hearing anything this time. They transferred me to the operating table. The nurse started sticking some probe things on me. And then the anesthesiologist started talking to me... he said, "It's going to feel a bit cold," referring to the drugs that were going into my IV. And literally I don't remember anything after that. The next thing I knew I was in the recovery area- another big room with lots of people separated by curtains. It was really weird. I don't remember getting sleepy or anything. They give you this drug that makes you forget. I wish I could forget more. My recovery was easy. I did not even feel tired the rest of the day. I wish the emotional recovery was as easy.